The Bikini Story

* and **

















The title of this post is The Bikini Story and, indeed, there is a bikini (a knit one even!) featured in the story. You can see it above in a couple of relatively unflattering pictures. You see, when I first indulged my burgeoning obssession last fall, I also bought a copy of Debbie Stoller's Stitch 'n' Bitch which features a knit bikini. In November, when I was trying to figure out how to knit gifts for everyone I knew (scarves, scarves and more scarves turned out to be the answer) Stephen mentioned that he liked the bikini and thought I would look hot in it. I think that he really meant it. I think he also meant that he really wanted me to knit something other than socks since I had been knitting, but mostly screaming at, my first sock ever, for days. So, I told him that I would knit him the bikini (for me for him) for Christmas. I have to say, he liked the idea.


So, as soon as I finished with the fucking sock (bad pattern, do not trust the sock calculator.) Anyway, as soon as I finished the sock I knit the bikini top. It was easy as pie. Except for one frogging incident caused by the fact that I failed to read the pattern all the way through first and therefore missed an instruction which began with the ominous words "at the same time." Other than that it was easy. Possibly the easiest thing I have ever knit. I even liked it on me.


Then it came time to make the bottoms. Or, more accurately, to decide which size to make the bottoms. I read through the instructions. I measured my waist and my ass and the distance from the top of my ass crack to my belly button. Okay, maybe not, but wouldn't it be funny if I did? Then I realized it. I could not knit the bottoms. I simply couldn't. The pattern instrcutions said that you should pick your size, then spend a lot of time in front of the mirror making sure that you had picked the right size. I couldn't do it. I simply could not spend all that time looking at my chubby belly in the mirror. Not to mention my flabby ass. So I told Stephen that he would have to wait until I was ready before I could knit the rest of the bikini.

He's still waiting.

I have to say that this story does not make me happy, but I suppose that I decided to tell because I'm starting to have hope that he may not have to wait forever. As I have mentioned in a previous post, we've been going to the gym five days a week. So I have hope. My ass is definitely less flabby these days. Now if only my belly would firm up at the same rate as my calves. Then I would be knitting those bikini bottoms.

* The top picture is from last Friday morning here. It was the most beautiful, sunny spring morning and it was also snowing all at the same time. Gentle, whispy snowflakes lit by morning sunlight.

** Neither the truck nor the house pictured belong to me. But the fir tree does.