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Brewer Burns

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Crappy Fucking Day

Okay, so I'm posting at 8:30 in the morning so perhaps I'm pre-judging today, but if it's anything like I think it will be, it will be a crappy fucking day. Why, you ask? Mainly it's my fault. I feel stressed out and overwhelmed, mainly because I'm in full-on avoidance mode. This means that I'm not only avoiding all of the things that I am supposed to be and should be doing that I don't want to do, but also all of the things that I want to do. It's like, if I put on the mental blinders then those things don't exist. Nothing exists, and I can exist in a no-man's land, a fantasy reality. I can float along in empty space. Which, of course, is total bullshit because every few seconds I get this gut wrenching guilt pang because I know that there are things that need to be done. Things I don't want to do. Things that might go so far as to make me cry. But they still need to be done. So that's where I am right now. In the mental equivalent of a "loop." A neverending loop.

Since it is such a crappy day already and I have now accurately defined both my mental state and, by implication, what is to be done about it (hint: it has something to do with getting off my ass, figuratively speaking, and doing some of the things that need to be done) I am now going to list a few positive things about my day:

1. Chacha commented on my last post. Thank you Chacha, and everyone else who has ever commented here. It's noticed and appreciated. If I don't email you about your comment it's because Blogger has not seen fit to provide me with your email address.

2. I have found the website for The Websters (I think that's right) and have decided that if I need to actually order some more lamb's pride for Manly I will be doing it there. Provided they have lamb's pride in oatmeal. I came to this decision after remembering that I have actually visited their brick and mortar store in Ashland, OR. Last spring. It was a good experience.

3. I have cast on and knitted several inches of the front of Manly. I'm moving along nicely.

4. I have determined that I have just enough money to get me to next payday without being overdrawn in my account, even though the evil gas light is on in the car. This will require eating nothing but beans, rice, and whatever other non-perishable food items are in my cupboards for the next two weeks, but this too shall pass.

5. Kevin and Emily will be here tonight. I am very excited.

6. I will not be coming to work tomorrow. Hallelujah!

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