Yesterday, I Did Not Knit

I did not knit yesterday.

I did not knit. This is the first time in many months that I have not knit a single stitch in an entire day.

I am completely obsessed with knitting. This failure to knit did not stem from the unbearable heat coupled with my unwillingness to touch my wool with sweaty hands. It did not stem from summer induced knitting ennui. It did not stem from overwork or general busy-ness.
I did not knit because I was preparing to have a small mental breakdown instead.

The precursor to this breakdown was a fairly pleasant evening. Stephen and I went out to dinner. When we came home we watched some TV, Stephen called Kevin. Everything was going smoothly except at about midnight I was a sobbing mess on the floor of my bedroom. Then I was a sobbing mess laying down on the bed. Then I was a sobbing mess sitting up in bed. Finally I was an exhausted, fitfully sleeping mess very late last night.

Last night I was DESPERATE. Desperate to find peace in my own mind. Desperate to escape soul-crushing anxiety. Desperate.

I am better today. I still have no answers. But I am better.