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Brewer Burns

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

My Super-Awesome Uber-Home Defense System

Progress on the Viennese Shrug is proceeding at a snail’s pace. Really. I finished like a third of a pattern repeat last night. The summer is just taking it out of me, you know? Then, after having spent a couple of hours watching Sex and the City in the basement we went outside to discover that the little fuckers who live next door. Oops. I’m sorry. The angelic children who dwell next door, had pelted my house with paint balls. Little fuckers. Later I had to go outside and explain to them and at least fifteen of their closest friends why having a party in the backyard was really pissing me off. Fun times.

Since I don’t really have much knitting news to share, I thought maybe I could talk about something else. Like my desire to plant my entire fence line with scotch thistle, for instance. Seriously. I know it won’t do a thing to stop the little fuckers from having parties all night long on a weeknight but it will, at least, discourage them from hopping my fence and stealing from my garage (this too is a recurring problem) and I think it sends the right message. Something like "Stay the fuck off my property, assholes" or, more to the point "I don’t like you and I really hope that you brush up against my scotch thistle and skewer yourself something painful." Okay, I admit it. I’m still a little pissed about the incidents last night, in addition to the incident last week, which involved a tent in the backyard, what I assume was a girlfriend stopping over for the night and a really obnoxious boombox.

The events last night also serve to illustrate the differences between Stephen and I. When Stephen discovered the paintball marks he was pretty pissed off. I was too, but more because I don’t like to be terrorized in my own house than because I was really upset about the damage to the vinyl siding. Stephen on the other hand was out there with wet wipes almost immediately to figure out if the paint was water soluble (it was.) When the little party started up outside Stephen didn’t want me to go out there for fear of more retaliation in the form of vandalism, but I was livid. It’s one thing to generally just be ill behaved little brats, it’s another to keep me awake on a week night (I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is.) There was no way I was going to let them keep me up all night. Especially since I have no intention of laying down and letting them walk all over me just because I’m afraid they might egg my house (yes, they’ve done that too.) I don’t want to escalate the situation, but I also don’t want to never sleep and be afraid to go away for the weekend.

At this point I’ve decided that the best course of action involves video cameras, aimed at my backyard and their backyard, coupled with flood lamps that will continuously illuminate both yards. If nothing else that kind of set up will definitely inspire them to be more creative in their efforts. Oh. Right. And a row of scotch thistle.


At 12:25 PM, Blogger KnittingJones said...

I like the thistle idea! And I'm with you -- we seem to have created a culture of people who don't respect boundaries and think it's okay to inflict their lifestyle on everyone else.

How about a little poison ivy?

At 10:58 AM, Blogger Moni said...

oh man, I totally feel for you! I have also lived next to the neighboors from hell. Although I've never had my home vandalized. That would so totally push me over the edge.


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